Acts of the Apostles
Photo: Jon Pack / HBOMax
And the wheels are officially starting to come off. You can have the noblest of goals (and even if it’s as vaporous as a cloud, total world enlightenment is a noble goal), but your thing will fall apart if you don’t have good organization at the top. heart of the project. The number of ambitious projects that everyday life and the little bullshit people have brought down is incalculable. From the Arthurian roundtable to when the Columbia professor tried to teach a chimpanzee language, people’s day-to-day affairs (and especially their weird sexual affairs) get in the way.
The first in our quartet to get out of Dory’s way is Elliott, because of course he does. Elliott does not have a backbone; it’s just VIP bracelets holding her head there. Marc and Elliott return to Kiddos and demand that Dr.John Waters let them turn their little killer wacky over. Waters explains that there is a no-return and “no-fuss” policy, but he’s ready to take Aspen back if Elliott can get some enlightenment pills so he can fix his wife’s terrible family. The idea of ââWaters playing a straight man who hates his in-laws is the epitome of camp. Wonderful, wonderful. Elliott decides to screw up world enlightenment so he can get Aspen out of his house.
Meanwhile, Portia does the influencer dry cleaning. Personally, if I was in some sort of joint to make the world a better place, I wouldn’t be wearing anything that requires dry cleaning. It’s so bad for the environment! Either way, while doing some crappy shopping for Dory, Drew and Portia spy on Dory having brunch with the disciples. And without them. Dory and Portia are relegated to the back of the brunch table, which is devastating. The British celebrity of Greta Titelman offers to install Dory with the son of a Shah, which deeply upsets Portia and Drew. Guys, she said she loves free love. Get poly, or overcome it! We are treated to a lovely moment where Drew takes a look at how six foot five inches tall he is, but is ruined when a woman slices Dory’s face and claims she’s ruined his life. Portia arrives to take care of Dory and Drew takes the knife. A clue.
Meanwhile, Elliott puts on makeup to look like one of the scientists on the Tunnel campus. The end effect is … superb is too small a word. The freckle the makeup artist made, the Three Stooges Larry wig – it’s a nasty sight. Elliott sneaks into the lab as Dr. Carpet and is immediately stopped by Dr. Benny. She thinks they fucked at a conference and asks her to explain to the trainees how to kill rats and harvest their livers. Between that and the last choking bathwater episode, we’ve got some real competition for the most disturbing visual of this season.
Elliott manages to create some of the prototype pills and gives them to John Waters. He says it’s just jelly beans. Oh, and Aspen sings to himself that he’s the best boy eating raw meat. So there is another upsetting visual for season five. A post-edged Dory is informed that her big job is literally sugar pills, and she confronts Tunnel about the emptiness of her vision.
I have to say I’m a little disappointed with the standard Jeff Goldblum number we’re getting on this show. Tunnel Quinn is indistinguishable from the Apartments.com type, and that stuff sucks. I was watching a super cup of Joy lines (can’t explain why – I don’t control my brain; it controls me), and I was struck by the fact that he was even more of a character when he played one of Rachel’s gay dads. Berry. Casting Goldblum as Tunnel is a real challenge, but does it serve the story and / or the comedy? Plus, real billionaires are so much more boring / inhuman than Apartments.com Goldblum. Have you seen Bill Gates dancing or the NYE Pitbull impression of Jeff Bezos. They are boring and think they can buy a personality.
I think I was hoping for more threat in this confrontation. Where’s the guy who was bowling a few episodes ago? Tunnel says, no, he doesn’t think an enlightenment pill will work. He tells Dory to keep playing the game until he can sell the business and they can both kiss like bandits.
Disillusioned and stunned by the knife affair, Dory yells at her apostles to be false fans and collapses. She wakes up in Portia’s bedroom. Portia says she’s just overworked, but Dory says her stomach hurts a lot too. So Portia gives him some sort of tea. Look, I’m just going to say what we all think is Portia doing a Phantom thread to Dory? You can tell me – it’s a safe space. Portia only feels useful when she’s dealing with Dory, and what better way to make sure it’s needed than by doing a little light poisoning?
Back at Lyte’s HQ, the influencers panic. If Dory abandons them, they’ll have to go back to their stupid little lives. They have to find a way to make sure Dory knows they are true to the cause. âI have an idea,â Roller Girl says, âbut that involves killing myself. Yellow Lyte has a better idea, the one the group unveils in Portia’s apartment.
Before the acolytes arrive, Dory begins to lose confidence. Total illumination of the world was a stupid idea; she was stupid to try. Portia says everyone becoming the most realized version of themselves could be as useful as toilet paper and that Dory shouldn’t give up. Almost at the right time, influencers arrive to show their commitment to the cause. They all disfigured their faces with some sort of chemical that causes the sores to crystallize in their assigned color. I’m not sure how this really advances the goal of ego and ultimate consciousness death, but Dory seems comforted. Yay?
â¢ Drew investigates the knife the woman used to slice off Dory’s face and discovers it is from the Jesper Company in Maine. You can hear five years of mysterious weariness in Drew’s voice when he says, “Am I really going to go to Maine?” “
â¢ A wonder of a scene by Bryan Safi as Elliott’s makeup artist. Thank you for your service!
â¢ I want Marc and Elliott to give Aspen to Lyte. It belongs to it. Let’s just put all the science fiction together. It will keep everything in order.
â¢ The idea of ââyour skin turning into crystal is very overwhelming. Especially if you’ve read something about Morgellons or listened to / read the Crystal Kingdom arc of The adventure zone.